mothering oldstyle

[Cuz2All]

Dear Cousins,
right now my mind is applying myself to mothering, and the way whitefella culture tries to make it hard on mummas and babies and fathers.

firstly, the books and community health folks are all about teaching the baby to behave like a good little unit -- do everything by schedule. enjoy discomfort (like tepid baths, delaying meals/drinks, denying affection for strategic reasons aka 'controlled crying")

far as i can see, being a baby is like being a quadrapligic dropped in a foreign land with no lingo, no money and no wheelchair. anything less than kindness from others is fairly cruel, surely. no wonder so many kids are mucked up.

even breast feeding is turned into a chore -- it's supposed to be strictly regulated by clocks, with no 'comfort sucking' allowed. argh. it's a bleak regime indeed for baby. bugger that, i think. baby deserves comfort while there are so few other ways she can comfort herself. ironically, I'm finding if she is allowed to have her own way with the breast, she actually decides a lot of the time now that something else would be entertaining/interesting/nourishing right now -- be it going outside, having a cuddle, riding my shoulder, lying in front of the fire bare assed -- as she grows, her ideas of what makes her feel good change, and she also has a calm and secure and alert personality because she has been allowed to make her own decisions about that very basic thing in her life, the boob. she's not been denied that contact with me, so she feels more and more secure about me leaving a room, knowing I'll be there within moments if she really needs me.

the best advice is the advice I get from other Indigenous women and men, Grandfathers often know a thing or two as do Grandmothers. and their advice sits much better with my heart -- and with my baby's spirit.

but there are no books on Indigenous parenting here, nor is the health service I have to take her too set up to give Indigenous advice. If I did not have the community here locally to support me and my parenting, I think it would be really tough -- and there must be plenty of Indigenous people out there who do not have contact with the elders for that help.

just a few thoughts before my bedtime -- when I get to lie down on the bed beside baby's bed, and go off to sleep listening to her breathe, which is the most beautiful thing in the world, along with her smile and her spirit.


love to everyone
willow

[Prairyearth]

Cuz,
You've made some great analogies! The advice you get that feels good or right in your heart is worth more than it's weight in gold.

Reading your post brought a flood of memories back to a time my own children were wee ones. I could never afford those luxurious layettes and bassinets for newborns. Made no difference. I just emptied out a big drawer and lined it and my babies slept in a drawer until they were big enough to graduate to a crib. Sometimes I would haul them around from room to room in a laundry basket, minus the laundry of course. Worked great, lol.

When they got old enough to hold their head up well, I'd tuck a baby under one arm like a football, and work with the other...the kids loved to go around and do chores with their mum like that.

By the time my second one was born, pacifiers were accepted by physicians once again and I must admit, my daughter absolutely loved hers. Especially when she started teething. My mother-in-law had a fit! She couldn't stand the idea that I let her have a pacifier and even hid it once. But, this mom had a spare so it didn't work. I had also learned to rotate pacifiers, cause I found out that the little smart one recognised a new versus an old pacifier straight away! It was like, you almost had to tromp on it and stomp on it and put it through a ringer before it was just like the old one.

I'm laughing just remembering. Rest assured though that I'm not suggesting mom's have to give their babies a pacifier. That's just what happened with one of my babies. They all have different personalities, likes and dislikes.

Many Blessings to you and your Family,
Prairy